Miss me?
so whats been going on? well, in a nutshell i’ve just been saturn return-ing - HARD. and one thing about me is when im going through something deeper i retreat. i don’t really benefit from sharing out in the open because it invites in a bunch of (albeit well intentioned) opinions and that can confuse my true path and if ive learned one thing about my aries sun and venus ass coming back to ME and MY intuition is my lesson over and over again. and overall just my compass in life. so i tend to really pull back my energy and just zero in on the core of me. (also as a 4/6 hd profile it’s good for me to work out my stuff THEN share from experienced wisdom vs say a 1/3 who is gonna share super openly moment to moment - and i have to really just trust this process for sharing to feel good) and also as i’ve said before it’s just kind of in my nature to be more casual about things in general.
so what caused this? well if you follow me on social (where i’ve shared a little more openly as i’m in process) you already have probably guessed it’s my body and more specifically this year my gut health protocol. if you don’t follow me there let me just super briefly catch you up. i had the “vid” twice. by 2021 i was experiencing increasingly debilitating *after* symptoms i now pretty much know was long cov1d. like couldn’t stand up to take a shower and had to sit kind of fatigue and everything i eat feels like shards of glass in my stomach digestive problems.
cut to the fall of 2023 and it’s now been YEARS of basically building a new body. things are better but we’re still in the thick of it. i went through ROLF-ing (the physically hardest but most rewarding experience of my life) and got my hormones back on track first so i could build muscle. got back into pilates by spring of 2024 and everything was back on track except my digestion. this year my AMAZING integrative medicine dr and i decided to tackle this LASTTT part of my healing journey. i did my gi map and essentially it came back with a whole host of things.
her overall summary was “THANK GOD we’re catching this now because this is the kind of thing that turns into stomach cancer if left unchecked or could cause permanent damage. AND ALSO it is such a testament to how well you take care of yourself and how strong your body is that it hasn’t given up, it’s still actively fighting for you”
GOOD JOB BODY 😭 👏🏼
it’s been incredibly humbling to say the least for quite a few reasons
HEALTH IS WEALTH. ESPECIALLY as a business owner. i have always considered myself generally healthy but this showed me just how healthy i was/am and how grateful i am for that.
it completely debilitated me. my folks who deal with chronic illness or pain already know : you only get a few “spoons” and i was down to my very last spoon almost daily. for YEARS. that’s hard on someone who usually is soooo active, physically strong, and go getting. not just physically but mentally too. i reserved my spoons for my clients. mostly because you guys would in turn fill my spoon right back up. when i say my business is my disneyland i truly am not exaggerating. it killed me to not be able to create what i wanted to or show up more. i didn’t feel like myself but those times i used my last ounce of energy to hold space for clients were the absolute best. like you all were my sunshine in the storm and the spark that kept me going - seriously
my libra moon was MAJORLY challenged. from not being able to socialize the same to look cute in my favorite outfits it was HARD. i really had to put in the extra work to feel beautiful and find new things to celebrate. i’ve always been praised for my face and body and never realized just how superrrr deeply subconsciously that made me tie my worth and place in the world to my beauty. and in a way i really took for granted. almost like my beauty protected me (which is ironic considering in the past i’ve always struggled to be seen as more and it took me a long time to see myself as beautiful despite external feedback). and while i DO like to look and feel beautiful it’s no longer an external experience it’s more deeply internal.
it hasn’t been all forging through the fire (literally, cause inflammation) tho, don’t get it twisted 😉 i’m relentless about protecting and building my heaven on earth so everything i have shared - each joy, discovery, fun moment - HAS been 100% honest, authentic, and genuine. i just was experiencing it all through the haze and economy of this lens.
that being said im benefiting from it as well
🤍 i have always had respect and compassion for folks who go through health issues, especially chronic or debilitating. now i have IMMENSE admiration. my heroes fr i don’t know how you do it but i am in awe that you do
🤍 i learned who i am without my usual personality markers. in a way i got to experience what being someone else totally different from me would be like!! i learned what a world without a focus on libra beauty looks like. i learned what a world without aries energy looks like. and I DO NOT LIKE IT lol it made me not just appreciate my own astrology it made me INSANELY protective over it. now things like working out or doing my skincare aren’t just “oh i like this and it boosts my health” they are NON NEGOTIABLES. like no one get in the way of me and pilates or an everything shower with nice products i SWEAR lol
it truly proved to me for once and for all, even after 20 years of studying it, how FUCKING REAL and HELPFUL astrology is. it really made me feel even more devoted to my practice and hold a new reverence for how its not just a map of our souls it’s this crazy ever present energy that lives in all of us and is woven in EVERYTHING. like the perfection of each of us embodying this mix of archetypes and creating this larger puzzle as a piece. it’s like looking at the world and seeing a mosaic now.
🤍 I AM SO GRATEFUL FOR MY BUSINESS. HOLY SHIT am i GRATEFUL i work for MYSELF. i could take days off, i could pivot, i could go hard in times of momentum (remember that 24 hour voxer spree?!), i could actually TAKE TIME to heal. i love my career so much. and even though my business will grow and change and take new shapes i want to always stay working for myself and next i want to build a lasting empire of some sort simply for the fun of it and because that feels sexy to me!
🤍 im going to have my healthiest, strongest, hottest body EVER once this is all over and walk away with health practices i’ll take into the rest of my life. AND i will always have this sense of this wasn’t just given to me i truly earned it. i showed up for myself. i didn’t give up. i didn’t throw in the towel. even when it got HARD and FRUSTRATING and was laborious. i can feel really really proud of what i’ve built intentionally. i have a new sense of discipline and dedication. i can do hard things 😅🤣
(also if you’ve been feeling off or weird physically i hope this is encouragement to go get that checked out. my integrative medicine dr said it’s been ALL too common especially with women around my age post cov1d and we’re all having the SAME symptoms and diagnoses that are WEIRD and being dismissed by many regular MDs. the sooner you start the sooner you’ll feel better)
so where does this leave me now? i want to acknowledge my absence over the last few months because you may (or may not) have noticed i went a little dark especially on emails. and truthfully? in this last leg of my journey with my gut health protocol basically being a full time job in and of itself i had no other choice. my hands were tied.
this is the first time i experienced that kind of change of needing to pull all the way back to me while ALSO owning a business and being in charge of a team and sending out daily emails etc, you get it. that…didn’t feel good. but it DID feel necessary. and i haven’t had the language or energy to fully address it until now.
it’s not my intention to leave you hanging, it’s not my intention to just ghost. it IS my intention to be a ceo and leader who guides with integrity, honesty, and passion - always. so that’s where i find myself today. nearing the end of my protocol seeing the sun on the horizon, feeling physically strong like i “usually” do prior to all of this from pilates, and more clear headed because of all of the above (the mental fog, exhaustion, and confusion has truly been the hardest for such a hyper verbal thought daughter lol).
i really hope to return to normal operations soon. i hope to fill your cups with alllll the astrology news, the daily channeled messages from the heart, and even more 1:1s, masterclasses, and hopefully (fingers crossed!!) new group programs. i appreciate your patience with me, all your love and support, and more than anything your own dedication to building YOUR heaven on earth.
my saturn return in Pisces in the 9th house (highlighting my 6th house of health and 7th house of 1:1 partnership) has changed me forever. it’s true what they say - you really become an ADULT !!! (and there’s one last leg of it to go so i will keep you updated)
so as a now stronger, wiser, more ready, more committed 31 year old i’m excited for the future of my business. and i hope you’re excited for how it can support you in building the life of your wildest dreams too! i love you guys, with my whole heart, thank you for being here.
may this next chapter be our most radiant yet 🫶🏻🫶🏻